An Attachment to Dark Spaces
(A poem that is generically about how feelings, attachment, and rejection can feel a lot like the universe itself. The poem can be applied to many situations where I have wanted to assert my existence through emotion.)
I won’t make you my surrogate for the universe,
a stand in for its vast, indifferent cold.
You aren’t a stunt double for its absence of God
or the black tide of time that gives and takes,
but mostly takes.
You feel like a universe that stretches outward into yawning space,
becoming so distant it tears itself apart.
But, you won’t be my force of falling apart.
I can do that just fine on my own.
Surely, I adored you…
if only as a metaphor for everything I hate about myself and living
as a gray speck locked in the cruelty of cognizance in time and space.
I wanted you,
if only as a passing addiction to my place in the abyss.
And I wished so much that my existence mattered to you or to the cosmos you came to represent.